Oh, my dear. I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this. It’s okay to feel guilty about depression. Society tells us that as long as someone else has it worse than us, we don’t have a right to our sadness. But that’s not true. You have the right to your feelings. You have the right to feel a mountain of someone else’s molehill. You have the right to feel this bad. But I really, really hope you stop feeling like that really, really soon.
I truly hope that feeling guilty isn’t the only thing keeping you around. I would never wish that kind of burden on someone, but I do wish for whatever intervention or feeling or revelation it takes to make you know and see and believe that the world is better when you’re in it. There are more reasons to live than feeling guilty about your death.
How do you stop feeling guilty? I don’t know. The more important question, I think, is how do you stop wanting to die? I don’t have one answer for that either. What I can tell you is that so many people have been there. I have been there. And I know that telling you it’s not uncharted territory is not the same as taking the weight off, but I hope you can take comfort in knowing that it’s possible for the feelings to pass. It’s even likely. And you can take as much time as you need to get there, as long as you promise me you’re gonna try to get there. It’s a process. Maybe you’ll never feel 100%. But you can feel better than you feel now.
If you want to talk off anon, please do. Or email me at gaywritesblog at gmail. Or anything at all. I am not a professional and none of this should be taken as professional advice, but I am a willing listener if you need one. And if you can do so safely, it would really mean a lot to me if you’d seek out professional help, too. There are plenty of places where you can do so cheaply and privately.
Please be okay, darling. We need you here. I believe in you.